Dearest Brandon,
You suck. You have always sucked. You sucked when you came up and you suck now.
If not for expansion, dilution of talent, and Randy Smith running the Tigers into a sad punchline, you wouldn't even have made the majors. There is a reason you played on two one hundred plus loss teams. They sucked and you sucked with them. You had three serviceable years, 2004/5/6, but even then you could have been replaced at any time for me. I appreciate your loyalty to the Tigers; they sure have taken care of you. But gee, couldn't my lifetime Tigers be good? I like my lifetime Tigers in the mold of, say, Al Kaline, Alan Trammell, Lou Whitaker. I hope we see Justin Verlander wear the Olde English D always. But you? It doesn't really impress me that you have plagued my team for your entire career. I hope your worthless ass is released in spring training when you again show that you cannot hit and are not needed. I'm especially tired of hearing about the defense the Tigers are going to miss if Cabrera moves to third. You were designated for assignment and went down to the minors last year and you still had the third most errors on the team. It's that you wear your stirrups high, you dive and get your uniform dirty, you leave it all on the field. I appreciate those things, too. But come on; if I got a chance to play third base for a baseball team, I'd wear my stirrups high, I'd dive and get my uniform dirty, and I'd do my best and leave it all on the field. It doesn't make you a good player. And you are not. I'm a bit of stickler with my ballplayers: I still hold to some of the old philosophies: I like my players to be able to bat at least .250 . If you can't hit .200? I mean, I find it more than slightly laughable that in the coverage of Prince Fielder's signing there is even this mention of you, how you took the news, what it means to you, etc. I mean, were you really supposed to be a big part of the team this year? After hitting .197, and being designated for assignment? Why aren't we asking Don Kelly how he feels about things? He deserved the chance to start over you. After all, you suck. You have always sucked. You are the bane of my Detroit Tiger baseball existence. You have been for years. You sucked in the World Series. You really, really sucked last year and I can't believe you are going to probably start the season with the Tigers. But I hope good times are good times, and by mid season, if not sooner, the Tigers see they just have no need for a never-was, washed out, strikeout machine. Brandon, you suck. Mr. Inge, you suck. I don't care if you are not a happy camper. Your feelings are irrelevant. Because you suck. You have always sucked. I pray for your release and/or retirement.
Have a nice day,
eric
I'm still sort of feeling like I woke up and found I'd missed something. Did my team, lil' ol' Detroit, swoop in and sign Prince Fielder to a massive, long term contract? Did that really happen? I was one of many, many who said Dave Dombrowski! Offer him a one year contract now that Victor is out for the year. He only helps a team that should already be competing again for the championship and he can get his huge payday from some team next year. But, wow. Wow. If you know me, you know i like the word WOW. I mean, I'm the sole curator of the WOW Art Movement, as ridiculous and a mere title as that is. But, wow. When I blogged in December, I made the comment what if no one offers this guy a deal, what happens if someone says $14 mil a year, five years, take it or leave it? Well, okay, so let's deal with reality: Prince got his big, bloated contract. And wow, I'm glad he's on my team!
And it's actually, in the pornographic world of baseball salaries, a better deal for the Tigers than what the Angels have committed to Albie Pujols.
Seriously, Brandon Inge sucks.
By the way, I don't need David Wright anymore. Smiley face.
I hate wild cards. I hate things that make a long season's accomplishments pointless. Now a third place team can conceivably win the World Series? Is this so we can guarantee the Yankees always at least make the playoffs? Where does it end? Do we become animals like in the NHL? Or god forbid, the NBA, where a team with a losing record can make the playoffs? I hate Bud Selig.
And other than the "suspense" of 'win or go home', who is really going to be happy with a one game playoff? Again, yer gonna play an entire 162 game schedule and then some team that finished behind you is going to get to play you once and if you lose, your whole season is down the hole? One of the beauties of baseball is that you play a series. During the season, very few single games, usually rainout make-up games. The one game playoff in baseball is huge because it means two teams are tied. They have played a whole season and are even. The tie must be broken. Only one game is needed to do that. And that makes for drama. Not one team that makes the wild card winning 88 games and another team that wins a wild card berth with 91 wins playing one game. I hate Bud Selig.
Love the desperation moves by the Yankees. Kuroda will be a bust, will be booed like no one since, well I was going to say Javier Vasquez, but maybe you won't have to look much further than A.J. Burnett. Who would be dumb enough to take him off the Yankees hands? Let him weigh them down, please. And Pineda? Well, I don't need to tell you, a good rookie season does not a career, or even a good second season, make. I love those who say the Yankees now have too much starting pitching. Really? After C.C. and Nova, who still might regress, you have Hughes, high expectations still not met, probably never will, A.J., head case and resident whipping boy, Pineda, see previous sophomore jinx allusion, Kuroda, a National League pitcher and not even a particularly above average one, and Freddy Garcia, who at this point is all well and good, but he would have the same season whether he was on the Royals or the Yankees, he's an afterthought.
Oh, and let's not forget poor Brian Cashman, who once again sang the "i'm holding on to my young studs"song until he didn't. Jesus Montero, bye bye. The Bleacher Creatures hardly knew ye.
My boy Lincecum got his payday. More cheeseburgers and weed, please!
Pitchers and Catchers less than a month away. I can feel the summer breezes and hear the crack of the bats. Deliver me from another long winter.....til I feel like doing this again.
(Postscript: Brandon Inge sucks.)
