Dearest Brandon,
You suck. You have always sucked. You sucked when you came up and you suck now.
If not for expansion, dilution of talent, and Randy Smith running the Tigers into a sad punchline, you wouldn't even have made the majors. There is a reason you played on two one hundred plus loss teams. They sucked and you sucked with them. You had three serviceable years, 2004/5/6, but even then you could have been replaced at any time for me. I appreciate your loyalty to the Tigers; they sure have taken care of you. But gee, couldn't my lifetime Tigers be good? I like my lifetime Tigers in the mold of, say, Al Kaline, Alan Trammell, Lou Whitaker. I hope we see Justin Verlander wear the Olde English D always. But you? It doesn't really impress me that you have plagued my team for your entire career. I hope your worthless ass is released in spring training when you again show that you cannot hit and are not needed. I'm especially tired of hearing about the defense the Tigers are going to miss if Cabrera moves to third. You were designated for assignment and went down to the minors last year and you still had the third most errors on the team. It's that you wear your stirrups high, you dive and get your uniform dirty, you leave it all on the field. I appreciate those things, too. But come on; if I got a chance to play third base for a baseball team, I'd wear my stirrups high, I'd dive and get my uniform dirty, and I'd do my best and leave it all on the field. It doesn't make you a good player. And you are not. I'm a bit of stickler with my ballplayers: I still hold to some of the old philosophies: I like my players to be able to bat at least .250 . If you can't hit .200? I mean, I find it more than slightly laughable that in the coverage of Prince Fielder's signing there is even this mention of you, how you took the news, what it means to you, etc. I mean, were you really supposed to be a big part of the team this year? After hitting .197, and being designated for assignment? Why aren't we asking Don Kelly how he feels about things? He deserved the chance to start over you. After all, you suck. You have always sucked. You are the bane of my Detroit Tiger baseball existence. You have been for years. You sucked in the World Series. You really, really sucked last year and I can't believe you are going to probably start the season with the Tigers. But I hope good times are good times, and by mid season, if not sooner, the Tigers see they just have no need for a never-was, washed out, strikeout machine. Brandon, you suck. Mr. Inge, you suck. I don't care if you are not a happy camper. Your feelings are irrelevant. Because you suck. You have always sucked. I pray for your release and/or retirement.
Have a nice day,
eric
I'm still sort of feeling like I woke up and found I'd missed something. Did my team, lil' ol' Detroit, swoop in and sign Prince Fielder to a massive, long term contract? Did that really happen? I was one of many, many who said Dave Dombrowski! Offer him a one year contract now that Victor is out for the year. He only helps a team that should already be competing again for the championship and he can get his huge payday from some team next year. But, wow. Wow. If you know me, you know i like the word WOW. I mean, I'm the sole curator of the WOW Art Movement, as ridiculous and a mere title as that is. But, wow. When I blogged in December, I made the comment what if no one offers this guy a deal, what happens if someone says $14 mil a year, five years, take it or leave it? Well, okay, so let's deal with reality: Prince got his big, bloated contract. And wow, I'm glad he's on my team!
And it's actually, in the pornographic world of baseball salaries, a better deal for the Tigers than what the Angels have committed to Albie Pujols.
Seriously, Brandon Inge sucks.
By the way, I don't need David Wright anymore. Smiley face.
I hate wild cards. I hate things that make a long season's accomplishments pointless. Now a third place team can conceivably win the World Series? Is this so we can guarantee the Yankees always at least make the playoffs? Where does it end? Do we become animals like in the NHL? Or god forbid, the NBA, where a team with a losing record can make the playoffs? I hate Bud Selig.
And other than the "suspense" of 'win or go home', who is really going to be happy with a one game playoff? Again, yer gonna play an entire 162 game schedule and then some team that finished behind you is going to get to play you once and if you lose, your whole season is down the hole? One of the beauties of baseball is that you play a series. During the season, very few single games, usually rainout make-up games. The one game playoff in baseball is huge because it means two teams are tied. They have played a whole season and are even. The tie must be broken. Only one game is needed to do that. And that makes for drama. Not one team that makes the wild card winning 88 games and another team that wins a wild card berth with 91 wins playing one game. I hate Bud Selig.
Love the desperation moves by the Yankees. Kuroda will be a bust, will be booed like no one since, well I was going to say Javier Vasquez, but maybe you won't have to look much further than A.J. Burnett. Who would be dumb enough to take him off the Yankees hands? Let him weigh them down, please. And Pineda? Well, I don't need to tell you, a good rookie season does not a career, or even a good second season, make. I love those who say the Yankees now have too much starting pitching. Really? After C.C. and Nova, who still might regress, you have Hughes, high expectations still not met, probably never will, A.J., head case and resident whipping boy, Pineda, see previous sophomore jinx allusion, Kuroda, a National League pitcher and not even a particularly above average one, and Freddy Garcia, who at this point is all well and good, but he would have the same season whether he was on the Royals or the Yankees, he's an afterthought.
Oh, and let's not forget poor Brian Cashman, who once again sang the "i'm holding on to my young studs"song until he didn't. Jesus Montero, bye bye. The Bleacher Creatures hardly knew ye.
My boy Lincecum got his payday. More cheeseburgers and weed, please!
Pitchers and Catchers less than a month away. I can feel the summer breezes and hear the crack of the bats. Deliver me from another long winter.....til I feel like doing this again.
(Postscript: Brandon Inge sucks.)
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Thursday, December 15, 2011
wilpons are lepers and other offseason thoughts
I'm a simple guy. If I was a bank that was loaning a baseball team millions of dollars, and that team's stadium was named after another bank, wouldn't you as the loaning bank make a condition of the loan to get yer name on something. We are live at B.O.A. Citifield...for one season. I'm just saying.
The Wilpons have really become lepers to me. This inane selling off of 20 million dollars' worth of the team here and there. Let me introduce you to WalMart brand "Great Value" line of groceries...can you be blander, whiter, more generic than Sandy Alderson and Terry Collins? I know a man, a big man, who loves the Bobby V resurrection in Boston, and wishes his Mets had those kinds of balls. I really don't think he's alone.
It's really such a study in Bud Selig's way of doing things. Bud talks about "his legacy" and he's right and I'm appalled that he's been in the game going on a half century, and had this long a run as commissioner. He's made himself a modern Ban Johnson. There's not even a National Committee. It's just Bud deciding Frank McCourt can't destroy a brand like the Dodgers, while Fred Wilpon gets to
grasp and squeeze and hang on to the team he bought, paid for with the same kind of illusory money McCourt bought his team with.
I don't like interference in my commerce. Frank McCourt wants to purchase the Dodgers, he's approved to buy the Dodgers, Bud takes his money. What an industry that operates with one man deciding, "for the good of the game, historically, and financially" (can't you hear Bud saying that?) that an absolute ass like Frank McCourt isn't allowed to squander his money, transact a bad marriage publicly, and run the now more than half a century old Los Angeles Dodgers right out of the baseball business?
Major League Baseball, that's who. Bud Selig, on your side.
Is it a coincidence that it's the Mets Fiftieth Anniversary Season? Season long celebrations of the past. In a stadium dedicated to the Brooklyn Dodgers. Bud says, let Fred milk the 50 year thing, he'll get a little more on his feet, pay off some more debt. Sandy will stockpile them with prospects and they'll sell the homegrown can't wait to see 'em only a couple years away line.
It's a disgrace. It's a dirty shame that you couldn't have offered Jose Reyes a decent contract and acted like you wanted him. It's true, what Jose,josejosejose said in his Miami debut. The Mets showed him no love. Now, I don't think Jose deserves the money and years he got in Miami. I would have offered him four years, 52 million, with bonuses that could raise it to sixty. That wouldn't have kept him in New York, either, but I would have tried to pitch loyalty and team a little. The Wilpons are a little distracted, we already know Fred said Jose wasn't going to get "Crawford" money Sandy has other directives he's following.
But Jose did alright. And which of these clowns, Podesta and Ricciardi, get Sandy's job when Sandy makes the club solvent, in talent, if not an 80 million dollar budget?
I want Wright. I'll wait til July if I must. Just please, please, please don't have Brandon Inge the opening day third baseman. I'm almost ready to say the team will never win it all until he is completely off the team. Wouldn't that be a lovely swap in Tigers karma, if by June the boys were playing well, leading, pushing, but Inge was Inge and just finally just obviously the lamest he can be, and he just faded away with Bobby Higginson and Joel Zumaya? And at the same time, ol' Dave, that crazy ol' Dombrowski, who seems to have a good year then a bad year, which means Dotel, Laird, these signings, this construction of a 2012 Detroit Tigers, is headed down an Edgar Renteria trimmed road, but ol' double-d pulls a fair one and gets David Wright.
He's half a head case, his throwing is awful, I never thought I'd say it about m.l.g. third baseman, but I'm not counting on his defense, he's not much better than Inge these days. But I'll take a chance on that bat, hitting sixth, and maybe even second if he's resurrected. I'm tipping my hand as to my off season reality constructions and wish list constructions of the Tigers 2012. I'm not going to worry about it now, but suffice it to say, Sleepy Austin Jackson can bat ninth, or he can ride the pine, or he can get me Wright for the fourth of July festivities.
I'm revealing no secrets as well when I join the chorus in singing "what ridiculous contracts have we". Pujols and Wilson. If yer C.J., California living, California dreaming, wow, man, I'm chilling for life. And big, fat payday Albert. I'm still waiting for the steroid revelation, I'm still waiting for physical breakdown resulting, and he keeps raking. How old is he? Well, however old he is, I wouldn't have even offered him seven. Five with a sixth, four with a fifth, twenty five per.
Again, that wouldn't have gotten him. So the Marlins and the Angels get their men. Aramis went to the Brewers. Prince is still waiting. What if suddenly, no one wanted him at the price of Pujols, or anywhere in the neighborhood thereof? What if Seattle suddenly put an offer of six years, eighty million on the table and no one else bid? Does Prince take his girth to Japan? Does Prince sit on his laurels? Does Prince bite?
I guess I'll take Gio Gonzalez if he comes my way, but I always want to see what these touted pitchers have before I just send them away. I thought Andrew Miller was going to be something; him and Verlander, one-two, in short, thought he would be having a Verlander career by now, and double-d was right about him. (The Phillies just signed Dontrelle Willis. They're talking about a left handed specialist. Dontrelle. That is special.) Jurrjens has been good and often real swell, but he's young to be breaking down, so I guess Detroit didn't miss much of him in the end. But let's see Turner or Oliver or even Below or Crosby, let's see one of 'em every fifth day.
I'm not making any rash pre-Christmas predictions, but watch Chien-Min Wang this year. I've always been for this guy, even as a Yankee, as fan general manager Eric Clark of the Detroit Tigers, I would have taken the chance Washington has. And I think you are going to see the payoff this year. If ever there were a pitcher you said 'he throws ground balls'....can't think of a guy I've ever said that as consistently about. You remember his original decline was precipitated by interleague play? Pitcher versus d.h. in lineups?
There's a debate long settled and still being debated. The d.h. means jobs and the pitchers already have one, so the d.h. is not going away. Purity or not, you are not going back to a full league of hitting pitchers and a creep back to small, strategic baseball. So please, Bud, "for the good of the game", and since season long interleague play is right around the corner, institute the d.h. in the National League.
Maybe if you already have, poor Albert wouldn't have been so happy to leave St. Louis.
I wonder if in any of his thinking, Albert considered the eventual guilt by association feelings in having McGwire as hitting coach. Albert's at a point where some are talking of his decline, and he's got to be thinking about HIS legacy, and hall of fame chances. Even though he's only been with the Cardinals a couple years, people won't remember the chronology, they will mash Pujols' career with McGwire as hitting coach.
I've been trying to avoid it, but here: LaRussa winning the series, leading his team from way back, to even making the playoffs, to once again being the benefactors of a flawed post season system and an opponent willing to throw away a world series opportunity, well, it almost makes me respect Tony. Cause, ya know, he likes dogs. But, yeah....no.
Will the real Rick Porcello please stand up? Cause the Chisox will absolutely give you Danks. Joe Saunders is another guy someone should grab with both hands.
Oh, that reminds me. So long bad,bad Brad "Bad" Penny. See ya later you cupless piece of crap.
And farewell to Magglio and Carlos. Your service in the name of Venezuela and 2006 will always be noted. Don't let the door hit you on the way out. If only I could say that to Brandon Inge. Though I will hasten to add, in fairness, Wilson Betemit's swing didn't inspire me at all. Try San Francisco.
I'll address one more item this time round. The lovely Yankees/Red Sox world. Oh, the fun, the fun.
I'm always hoping for the best, that the Yankees return to their 1980s irrelevance, but don't it just seem lawk it's gon' be a lo-onnnng season fo' the bommas? And by long, I mean enjoyable and eventful and unsuccessful. Cashman wants to act the small market architect, when it is simple fact he can have what he wants when he needs it. Do you expect to see Betances or Banuelos have long Bronx careers? Do you expect A.J. Burnett or Ivan Nova to leave NY first? Cashman hangs on to a guy only as long as he has to? Is he hanging on to Montero too long?
Is Jorge Posada really going to play for someone else? Are the Yankees really going to do a Bernie Williams on him? I guess they already have. Bernie for the hall of fame. Oh but jesus sweet baby jesus at christmastime don't get me started on the hall of fame. As a dozen thoughts about my loathing of the hall of fame, its procedures, its choices, its exclusions, its bullshit, and yeah even its exhibits! I been there! I can say it! Yankee haters love to hate Posada, but Jorge rakes on a good day, I love his swing, and yes, the story of his son is compelling and moves me greatly. Does that make him more of a hall of famer than Bernie? I'm just saying, what, other than sentiment, puts Ron Santo in the hall of fame? He was a productive hitter playing half his games in Wrigley Field. What did he ever win?
Alan Trammel, Lou Whitaker, Jack Morris. I told you not to get me started on the hall of fame.
And so we come to the end. And the best, for last. Bobby V. BOBBY FRICKIN' V! is back from Asian exile and Connecticut public service to lay down the law on the Bosox. Take Beckett in hand and get him to fly right. I like Bobby V. with Dustin Pedroia and Jacoby Ellsbury and even Carl Crawford in I have to believe will be a better year 2012. Bobby gonna let Big Papi set the tone of veteran austerity and leadership.
Ah, um, yeah, by the way, was there a minority interviewed for Francona's job? Other than Ozzie Guillen getting his dream job, which, I believe, will totally get away from him rapidly , (and aside: Heath Bell. Who cares about San Diego relief pitchers? Ever?) I must have missed all the minority candidates that went "through the process" in St. Louis, Boston, and Chicago.
But mostly, I love the naming of Bobby Valentine manager of the Red Sox, because it makes for a nice harbinger that 2012 really will be the end of the world.
If I don't write before, have a nice, really nice, holiday season. Bye bye, 2011, you were rotten and in the end exposed for the flawed product you were, just like my Detroit Tigers. I expect more in 2012. You should too.
art and flowers,
eric clark
Baseball and Everything Else............
The Wilpons have really become lepers to me. This inane selling off of 20 million dollars' worth of the team here and there. Let me introduce you to WalMart brand "Great Value" line of groceries...can you be blander, whiter, more generic than Sandy Alderson and Terry Collins? I know a man, a big man, who loves the Bobby V resurrection in Boston, and wishes his Mets had those kinds of balls. I really don't think he's alone.
It's really such a study in Bud Selig's way of doing things. Bud talks about "his legacy" and he's right and I'm appalled that he's been in the game going on a half century, and had this long a run as commissioner. He's made himself a modern Ban Johnson. There's not even a National Committee. It's just Bud deciding Frank McCourt can't destroy a brand like the Dodgers, while Fred Wilpon gets to
grasp and squeeze and hang on to the team he bought, paid for with the same kind of illusory money McCourt bought his team with.
I don't like interference in my commerce. Frank McCourt wants to purchase the Dodgers, he's approved to buy the Dodgers, Bud takes his money. What an industry that operates with one man deciding, "for the good of the game, historically, and financially" (can't you hear Bud saying that?) that an absolute ass like Frank McCourt isn't allowed to squander his money, transact a bad marriage publicly, and run the now more than half a century old Los Angeles Dodgers right out of the baseball business?
Major League Baseball, that's who. Bud Selig, on your side.
Is it a coincidence that it's the Mets Fiftieth Anniversary Season? Season long celebrations of the past. In a stadium dedicated to the Brooklyn Dodgers. Bud says, let Fred milk the 50 year thing, he'll get a little more on his feet, pay off some more debt. Sandy will stockpile them with prospects and they'll sell the homegrown can't wait to see 'em only a couple years away line.
It's a disgrace. It's a dirty shame that you couldn't have offered Jose Reyes a decent contract and acted like you wanted him. It's true, what Jose,josejosejose said in his Miami debut. The Mets showed him no love. Now, I don't think Jose deserves the money and years he got in Miami. I would have offered him four years, 52 million, with bonuses that could raise it to sixty. That wouldn't have kept him in New York, either, but I would have tried to pitch loyalty and team a little. The Wilpons are a little distracted, we already know Fred said Jose wasn't going to get "Crawford" money Sandy has other directives he's following.
But Jose did alright. And which of these clowns, Podesta and Ricciardi, get Sandy's job when Sandy makes the club solvent, in talent, if not an 80 million dollar budget?
I want Wright. I'll wait til July if I must. Just please, please, please don't have Brandon Inge the opening day third baseman. I'm almost ready to say the team will never win it all until he is completely off the team. Wouldn't that be a lovely swap in Tigers karma, if by June the boys were playing well, leading, pushing, but Inge was Inge and just finally just obviously the lamest he can be, and he just faded away with Bobby Higginson and Joel Zumaya? And at the same time, ol' Dave, that crazy ol' Dombrowski, who seems to have a good year then a bad year, which means Dotel, Laird, these signings, this construction of a 2012 Detroit Tigers, is headed down an Edgar Renteria trimmed road, but ol' double-d pulls a fair one and gets David Wright.
He's half a head case, his throwing is awful, I never thought I'd say it about m.l.g. third baseman, but I'm not counting on his defense, he's not much better than Inge these days. But I'll take a chance on that bat, hitting sixth, and maybe even second if he's resurrected. I'm tipping my hand as to my off season reality constructions and wish list constructions of the Tigers 2012. I'm not going to worry about it now, but suffice it to say, Sleepy Austin Jackson can bat ninth, or he can ride the pine, or he can get me Wright for the fourth of July festivities.
I'm revealing no secrets as well when I join the chorus in singing "what ridiculous contracts have we". Pujols and Wilson. If yer C.J., California living, California dreaming, wow, man, I'm chilling for life. And big, fat payday Albert. I'm still waiting for the steroid revelation, I'm still waiting for physical breakdown resulting, and he keeps raking. How old is he? Well, however old he is, I wouldn't have even offered him seven. Five with a sixth, four with a fifth, twenty five per.
Again, that wouldn't have gotten him. So the Marlins and the Angels get their men. Aramis went to the Brewers. Prince is still waiting. What if suddenly, no one wanted him at the price of Pujols, or anywhere in the neighborhood thereof? What if Seattle suddenly put an offer of six years, eighty million on the table and no one else bid? Does Prince take his girth to Japan? Does Prince sit on his laurels? Does Prince bite?
I guess I'll take Gio Gonzalez if he comes my way, but I always want to see what these touted pitchers have before I just send them away. I thought Andrew Miller was going to be something; him and Verlander, one-two, in short, thought he would be having a Verlander career by now, and double-d was right about him. (The Phillies just signed Dontrelle Willis. They're talking about a left handed specialist. Dontrelle. That is special.) Jurrjens has been good and often real swell, but he's young to be breaking down, so I guess Detroit didn't miss much of him in the end. But let's see Turner or Oliver or even Below or Crosby, let's see one of 'em every fifth day.
I'm not making any rash pre-Christmas predictions, but watch Chien-Min Wang this year. I've always been for this guy, even as a Yankee, as fan general manager Eric Clark of the Detroit Tigers, I would have taken the chance Washington has. And I think you are going to see the payoff this year. If ever there were a pitcher you said 'he throws ground balls'....can't think of a guy I've ever said that as consistently about. You remember his original decline was precipitated by interleague play? Pitcher versus d.h. in lineups?
There's a debate long settled and still being debated. The d.h. means jobs and the pitchers already have one, so the d.h. is not going away. Purity or not, you are not going back to a full league of hitting pitchers and a creep back to small, strategic baseball. So please, Bud, "for the good of the game", and since season long interleague play is right around the corner, institute the d.h. in the National League.
Maybe if you already have, poor Albert wouldn't have been so happy to leave St. Louis.
I wonder if in any of his thinking, Albert considered the eventual guilt by association feelings in having McGwire as hitting coach. Albert's at a point where some are talking of his decline, and he's got to be thinking about HIS legacy, and hall of fame chances. Even though he's only been with the Cardinals a couple years, people won't remember the chronology, they will mash Pujols' career with McGwire as hitting coach.
I've been trying to avoid it, but here: LaRussa winning the series, leading his team from way back, to even making the playoffs, to once again being the benefactors of a flawed post season system and an opponent willing to throw away a world series opportunity, well, it almost makes me respect Tony. Cause, ya know, he likes dogs. But, yeah....no.
Will the real Rick Porcello please stand up? Cause the Chisox will absolutely give you Danks. Joe Saunders is another guy someone should grab with both hands.
Oh, that reminds me. So long bad,bad Brad "Bad" Penny. See ya later you cupless piece of crap.
And farewell to Magglio and Carlos. Your service in the name of Venezuela and 2006 will always be noted. Don't let the door hit you on the way out. If only I could say that to Brandon Inge. Though I will hasten to add, in fairness, Wilson Betemit's swing didn't inspire me at all. Try San Francisco.
I'll address one more item this time round. The lovely Yankees/Red Sox world. Oh, the fun, the fun.
I'm always hoping for the best, that the Yankees return to their 1980s irrelevance, but don't it just seem lawk it's gon' be a lo-onnnng season fo' the bommas? And by long, I mean enjoyable and eventful and unsuccessful. Cashman wants to act the small market architect, when it is simple fact he can have what he wants when he needs it. Do you expect to see Betances or Banuelos have long Bronx careers? Do you expect A.J. Burnett or Ivan Nova to leave NY first? Cashman hangs on to a guy only as long as he has to? Is he hanging on to Montero too long?
Is Jorge Posada really going to play for someone else? Are the Yankees really going to do a Bernie Williams on him? I guess they already have. Bernie for the hall of fame. Oh but jesus sweet baby jesus at christmastime don't get me started on the hall of fame. As a dozen thoughts about my loathing of the hall of fame, its procedures, its choices, its exclusions, its bullshit, and yeah even its exhibits! I been there! I can say it! Yankee haters love to hate Posada, but Jorge rakes on a good day, I love his swing, and yes, the story of his son is compelling and moves me greatly. Does that make him more of a hall of famer than Bernie? I'm just saying, what, other than sentiment, puts Ron Santo in the hall of fame? He was a productive hitter playing half his games in Wrigley Field. What did he ever win?
Alan Trammel, Lou Whitaker, Jack Morris. I told you not to get me started on the hall of fame.
And so we come to the end. And the best, for last. Bobby V. BOBBY FRICKIN' V! is back from Asian exile and Connecticut public service to lay down the law on the Bosox. Take Beckett in hand and get him to fly right. I like Bobby V. with Dustin Pedroia and Jacoby Ellsbury and even Carl Crawford in I have to believe will be a better year 2012. Bobby gonna let Big Papi set the tone of veteran austerity and leadership.
Ah, um, yeah, by the way, was there a minority interviewed for Francona's job? Other than Ozzie Guillen getting his dream job, which, I believe, will totally get away from him rapidly , (and aside: Heath Bell. Who cares about San Diego relief pitchers? Ever?) I must have missed all the minority candidates that went "through the process" in St. Louis, Boston, and Chicago.
But mostly, I love the naming of Bobby Valentine manager of the Red Sox, because it makes for a nice harbinger that 2012 really will be the end of the world.
If I don't write before, have a nice, really nice, holiday season. Bye bye, 2011, you were rotten and in the end exposed for the flawed product you were, just like my Detroit Tigers. I expect more in 2012. You should too.
art and flowers,
eric clark
Baseball and Everything Else............
Thursday, March 17, 2011
St. Patrick Took Care of the Snakes
They put Neil Diamond in the rock-n-roll hall of fame the other day. Neil Diamond. Think about it, let it sink in. Neil Diamond. Bucky fuckin' Dent, Neil fuckin' Diamond. He wrote "I'm a Believer" for the Monkees. Had a string of hits in the late sixties and early seventies that never veered far from vegas worthy hip shakers like "I thank the Lord for the Nighttime" "Cherry Cherry" and quasi maudlin fare such as "I am, I said" and thankfully, just in time for Elvis to get fat and Red Sox fans to get perverse in their traditions, "Sweet Caroline". How this qualifies him to be honored on equal terms with The Beatles, Stones, Dylan, Velvet Underground, etc., is beyond me.
But then, I dislike hall of fames in general, and none burns my ass more than baseball's. Please, pull out your baseball encyclopedia and look up the lifetime statistics of Bill Mazeroski, Nellie Fox, Ozzie Smith, Ryne Sandburg, Lou Whitaker and Alan Trammell. And then explain to me why the first four are enshrined as "immortals" and the last two, who were a double play combination longer than any other in m.l.b. history, a feat that should be honored in itself at Cooperstown, are not.
Because what it really comes down to is who is in charge of the choosing, or balloting, or voting, or whatever. History is written by the historians; ya heard that one, right? And that is so very true with baseball and its journalistic chroniclers. Nowhere else do you find so many bitter, petty writers plying their craft as in the line of baseball writer. Remember the legend that is Robert Duvall, as baseball writer Max Mercy in "The Natural"? What does he tell Roy Hobbs at one point--that ballplayers come and go but he remains. That he, the writer, can make or break a player. It's the most honest moment in the film.
Not that I don't love "The Natural". god knows I do. god KNOWS I do. But it's a document of fiction, fairy tale, and Hollywood magic. But that scene between Duvall and Robert Redford rings true through the mythology and contrivance that is the rest of the film. Baseball writers do think they are bigger than the game, the players, the history. And the result? Bert Blyleven, a Neil Diamond of a ballplayer, gets an honor that puts him alongside Cy Young, Christy Mathewson, Bob Feller, Bob Gibson, and Tom Seaver. Really? Wow.
This hall of fame thinking hits me as we hit the two week mark before my Tigers take on the Yankees opening day. Who's a future hall of famer playing today? Who's a shoo-in? Jeter, yeah. 'Specially after he gets 74 hits for 3,000. (thank god he's working on that strideless swing.) Ichiro, absolutely, three thousand hits or not. He's the purest of pure hitters. Pujols, sure. If he keeps it up for another five to ten years (though the statistical milestones that used to ensure induction are sort of falling away as fewer and fewer of the ever increasing number of major leaguers cannot and do not reach them; I suppose if Prince Albert retired now, they'd usher him in in five years anyway. And I wouldn't squawk.)
Who else? Manny Ramirez, maybe, if the writers choose to forget the steroids. Which, of course, covers A-Rod, and Big Papi, as well. I suppose Jim Thome gets in.
And then, I'm at a loss. Sure, my boy Tim Lincecum's had a hell of start to his career; Mauer and Morneau are swell hitters, as is Ryan Howard, and Miguel Cabrera might put up some impressive lifetime stats if he stops eating, drinking, and threatening Floridians with phantom firearms in his ditty bag. But, man, there just ain't that many great ballplayers anymore.
That's expansion; that's dilution; that's major league ball, 2011. Welcome to the machine. And you know what? At the end of the day, I don't really mind. Because the lack of true legends, the dearth of real superstars, the absence of marquee names year in, year out, putting up All-Star, hall of fame numbers, allows me to focus on the game itself; the beautiful thing that baseball is.
On KNBR Sports Radio, San Francisco, they like to play a drop of former Giants second baseman and perhaps, future hall of famer, Jeff Kent. It goes something like this: "....Enjoy the game!"
But then, I dislike hall of fames in general, and none burns my ass more than baseball's. Please, pull out your baseball encyclopedia and look up the lifetime statistics of Bill Mazeroski, Nellie Fox, Ozzie Smith, Ryne Sandburg, Lou Whitaker and Alan Trammell. And then explain to me why the first four are enshrined as "immortals" and the last two, who were a double play combination longer than any other in m.l.b. history, a feat that should be honored in itself at Cooperstown, are not.
Because what it really comes down to is who is in charge of the choosing, or balloting, or voting, or whatever. History is written by the historians; ya heard that one, right? And that is so very true with baseball and its journalistic chroniclers. Nowhere else do you find so many bitter, petty writers plying their craft as in the line of baseball writer. Remember the legend that is Robert Duvall, as baseball writer Max Mercy in "The Natural"? What does he tell Roy Hobbs at one point--that ballplayers come and go but he remains. That he, the writer, can make or break a player. It's the most honest moment in the film.
Not that I don't love "The Natural". god knows I do. god KNOWS I do. But it's a document of fiction, fairy tale, and Hollywood magic. But that scene between Duvall and Robert Redford rings true through the mythology and contrivance that is the rest of the film. Baseball writers do think they are bigger than the game, the players, the history. And the result? Bert Blyleven, a Neil Diamond of a ballplayer, gets an honor that puts him alongside Cy Young, Christy Mathewson, Bob Feller, Bob Gibson, and Tom Seaver. Really? Wow.
This hall of fame thinking hits me as we hit the two week mark before my Tigers take on the Yankees opening day. Who's a future hall of famer playing today? Who's a shoo-in? Jeter, yeah. 'Specially after he gets 74 hits for 3,000. (thank god he's working on that strideless swing.) Ichiro, absolutely, three thousand hits or not. He's the purest of pure hitters. Pujols, sure. If he keeps it up for another five to ten years (though the statistical milestones that used to ensure induction are sort of falling away as fewer and fewer of the ever increasing number of major leaguers cannot and do not reach them; I suppose if Prince Albert retired now, they'd usher him in in five years anyway. And I wouldn't squawk.)
Who else? Manny Ramirez, maybe, if the writers choose to forget the steroids. Which, of course, covers A-Rod, and Big Papi, as well. I suppose Jim Thome gets in.
And then, I'm at a loss. Sure, my boy Tim Lincecum's had a hell of start to his career; Mauer and Morneau are swell hitters, as is Ryan Howard, and Miguel Cabrera might put up some impressive lifetime stats if he stops eating, drinking, and threatening Floridians with phantom firearms in his ditty bag. But, man, there just ain't that many great ballplayers anymore.
That's expansion; that's dilution; that's major league ball, 2011. Welcome to the machine. And you know what? At the end of the day, I don't really mind. Because the lack of true legends, the dearth of real superstars, the absence of marquee names year in, year out, putting up All-Star, hall of fame numbers, allows me to focus on the game itself; the beautiful thing that baseball is.
On KNBR Sports Radio, San Francisco, they like to play a drop of former Giants second baseman and perhaps, future hall of famer, Jeff Kent. It goes something like this: "....Enjoy the game!"
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog media content blog blog blog blog. Did I mention blog? I've gotten a real job just in time to disrupt this goldmine of media content which is Baseball and Everything Else. My first thought after walking out of work (a phrase that in and of itself depresses me) for the first time was , god, I can't wait to quit this job. But I probably won't. I need to buy baseball tickets.
Mitchell Page died, did anyone see that? Yeah, of course you did, computer savvy and technology based life forms that you are. Mitchell Page, Dwayne Murphy and Tony Armas. There was a hitting outfield. Of course, that was when Oakland actually seemed like a major league baseball franchise. Oh, I know the A's have a swell young pitching staff, and they picked up Godzilla, and blog, blog, blog, media, blog, content, content, blog, media.
Mitchell Page dies at a tragically early age and Yogi Berra falls on his ass and carries on. AFLAC never asked Mitchell to do a commercial. It's the way this world works.
When are the Phillies going to trade for Michael Young? What second baseman should cover for Chase Utley? I know my Tigers have three young second baseman (Sizemore, Worth, Rhymes) but you know who can play middle infield, hit for Utley like power and provide veteran leadership to the Fightin' Phils?Carlos Guillen. It's my little daydream for today.
Mitchell Page died, did anyone see that? Yeah, of course you did, computer savvy and technology based life forms that you are. Mitchell Page, Dwayne Murphy and Tony Armas. There was a hitting outfield. Of course, that was when Oakland actually seemed like a major league baseball franchise. Oh, I know the A's have a swell young pitching staff, and they picked up Godzilla, and blog, blog, blog, media, blog, content, content, blog, media.
Mitchell Page dies at a tragically early age and Yogi Berra falls on his ass and carries on. AFLAC never asked Mitchell to do a commercial. It's the way this world works.
When are the Phillies going to trade for Michael Young? What second baseman should cover for Chase Utley? I know my Tigers have three young second baseman (Sizemore, Worth, Rhymes) but you know who can play middle infield, hit for Utley like power and provide veteran leadership to the Fightin' Phils?Carlos Guillen. It's my little daydream for today.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Even Cubs fans think big this time of year
Here's baseball season again. I guess I have to stay alive awhile longer. Were I to commit myself to Bellevue, beg them to plug me full of drugs that will zombify me, do you think they would still allow me to watch a baseball game now and then? A tiny smile could cross my usually blank, medicated face. As long as I don't watch my team, the Detroit Tigers. God knows the first predictable, bound to fail move Jim Leyland would make would rouse me from my emotional coma and the jig would be up. "Mr. Clark, you were quite lucid, not to mention, loud, when the manager came to the mound to remove Verlander in a tie game. We think you should be released immediately." So much for pleasant dreams.
That's what spring training is for, pleasant dreams. The Cubs fans (god love 'em, they ARE cute with their little bear logo) even think big this time of year. I'm no different; the Tigers have a potentially strong pitching staff, and the offense looks good on paper, and if I can just get over my jaded, had enough of Leyland attitude, I can almost close my eyes and see...another long, disappointing season.
Let's get this straight right off: I've forgotten more baseball than most people know, and I pride myself on objectivity and intelligence when it comes to major league opinions. That is to say, I'm no Yankees fan. I have no problem criticizing my team, even while living and dying with them for 162 games.
For example, could someone please shoot Brandon Inge? and Carlos Guillen? Inge, just cause he's close to worthless, and Guillen, because he's a spent horse that needs put out of his (and mine's) misery. Criticizing Inge, though, gets me the same response I've gotten for years at jobs, or in social scenes: I enumerate my problems with an individual and I'm rebuked as a hyper-critical, mean spirited jerk. "He's a nice guy," they'll say. Yeah, well, I didn't say the chick who couldn't count change at the bookstore was a bad person, and I'm not saying Brandon Inge is either. What I am saying is, Brandon Inge is a lifetime .237 hitter who strikes out on lousy pitches in clutch situations on a sickeningly consistent basis. How many games have I watched where he's come to the plate, runners on, runners in scoring position, less than two outs, two outs, doesn't matter. If it's anywhere near a clutch situation, please watch Brandon take his pathetic cut at a pitch a foot or more outside and low. I mean, bully for loyalty, Mr. Illitch, Mr. Dombrowski, Mr. Leyland, but really? He leaves you so wanting as an offensive presence, and I'm tired of hearing about his defense. Is he Brooks Robinson? No, no he's not. But I'm saddled with his ass for another season. Two more seasons actually, and why do I fear the picking up of his 2013 option?
And then there's Guillen, old, brittle, and perpetually without an actual position. Let's put him at second! Let's put him in the outfield! Let's watch him hit a few exciting, sometimes timely, first pitch homeruns and then count the trips to the disabled list.
I want to see Boesch, Jackson, and Casper Wells in the outfield. I want Strieby and, if I must, Raburn, behind them. I want Alex Avila batting ahead of Inge. I would force Cabrera to third, so Victor Martinez could play first regularly. Move Inge to second base (he's such a gamer!) but I'd prefer one of the young guys, Sizemore, Worth, there instead.
Oh yeah, shoot Zumaya, too. Never going to have another 2006. Tired of hearing about it.
I hope Verlander stays on his game, I hope Porcello rebounds, I hope Scherzer is solid and a winner, not just an innings eater. I hope, I hope, I hope. It's spring training.
Another spring hope is that the Yankees utterly collapse. And I don't even hate the Yankees. It's just that living in New York, the papers are so much more fun when the Yankees are spitting the bit.
I also hope Don Mattingly (I know, more Yankee hate. Sorry.) fails as manager. I have this problem with the Mattingly, Willie Randolph types who sit next to a Joe Torre for years, can't or won't manage in the minors, and then feel entitled to a managership. Managing is more than knowing how to sit or stand in the dugout looking stoic and concerned.
I don't see any runaway winners this year. The Phillies have the horses to start, but are they as good a team as Atlanta? By the same token, San Francisco, my lifelong second favorite team, won't repeat. Great starting pitching may win them the West, but their brutally punchless offense won't get to ride those coattails for a second year in a row. The N.L. Central? God, who cares? Cincinnati, by default, I suppose. Personally, I'm just going to enjoy the Cardinals and Tony LaRussa falling apart as Albert Pujols lame ducks his way to the MVP.
Which reminds me: Cubs fans, enjoy the increased beer prices at Wrigley once you sign Albert to that ten year, 350 million dollar contract.
Actually, I keep suggesting that the Cardinals' season will go so wrong, and with no hope in sight to sign Pujols, that they will trade him to the Yankees mid-season. You don't think it could happen? Why, cause Texeira is long term tied to first base? Let me tell you, Joba Chamberlain, Andrew Brackman and Curtis Granderson, welcome to St Louie. And then the Yankees negotiate their latest absurd, nauseatingly overpaid contract. Posada is gone after 2011, so D.H. is all Albert's next year and forever. It's a thought.
What else can the Yankees do? They won't be able to control themselves.
But they still won't make the playoffs this year. Boston gets the east, Tampa fights hard, Baltimore overachieves, but the Bosox still prevail. And only a Central team, Detroit, Minnesota, or Chicago (if Ozzie doesn't just once and for all lose his mind), playing solid and with momentum, will stop them.
I suppose the Angels come back a little from last year, but I don't have much faith in the AL West. I don't believe in the Rangers or Athletics organizations enough to believe in their teams. And Seattle? Aren't we all just waiting for Felix Hernandez to be traded or have a career threatening injury?
But I don't make predictions . I like to watch the season unfold and form my opinions from the field.
The only predictions I like to make in spring training are the fun ones, like the Yankees will miss the playoffs, cause that riles my Yankee-loving friends and tickles me.
Oh yeah, baby, baseball. It's the game for me. I've pulled out my thirty year old Mizuno glove, and traded my winter touk for my cap with the olde english D. I'll be hitting CitiField with my Mets friends and causing trouble in the Bronx with my Yankees friends. I'll be the one at the party who asks if we can get the game turned on. I'll be the one suggesting a bar solely for its multiple televisions and selection of games. I'll be the one poring over the boxscores and checking the standings after one game.
It's late, this is my first posting ever, and so everything else will have to wait til another day. I'll leave you with two last spring training hopes. One, that Barry Bonds' trial just dies away and he continues his post baseball exile, because the years and years it has taken to get him in a courtroom has rendered the whole rhyme and reason of the thing moot. He took steroids. We all know this, even if we all don't want to admit it, even to ourselves. But at this point, well, enough Barry Bonds. He's gone, let him stay that way.
On the other hand, my second and final spring training hope is that Roger Clemens does go to jail. Just cause he turned out to be a big, dumb hick with a big, dumb mouth. Does anyone remember at his Capitol Hill hearing how he sought to justify his training methods, questionable or otherwise, by elevating pitching for the U.S. in the Baseball Classic to some call to action by his country? When no one asks you to testify under oath, and you demand to testify under oath, and then proceed to lie under oath, well, give the Rocket what he deserves: a huge lesson in humility and honesty.
Okay, next time maybe we deal with contraction, or my long germinating plan for an entirely separate major league for small market teams. Or maybe I just explain why Warren Zevon was so great.
Art and Flowers, friends, Art and Flowers......e.c.
That's what spring training is for, pleasant dreams. The Cubs fans (god love 'em, they ARE cute with their little bear logo) even think big this time of year. I'm no different; the Tigers have a potentially strong pitching staff, and the offense looks good on paper, and if I can just get over my jaded, had enough of Leyland attitude, I can almost close my eyes and see...another long, disappointing season.
Let's get this straight right off: I've forgotten more baseball than most people know, and I pride myself on objectivity and intelligence when it comes to major league opinions. That is to say, I'm no Yankees fan. I have no problem criticizing my team, even while living and dying with them for 162 games.
For example, could someone please shoot Brandon Inge? and Carlos Guillen? Inge, just cause he's close to worthless, and Guillen, because he's a spent horse that needs put out of his (and mine's) misery. Criticizing Inge, though, gets me the same response I've gotten for years at jobs, or in social scenes: I enumerate my problems with an individual and I'm rebuked as a hyper-critical, mean spirited jerk. "He's a nice guy," they'll say. Yeah, well, I didn't say the chick who couldn't count change at the bookstore was a bad person, and I'm not saying Brandon Inge is either. What I am saying is, Brandon Inge is a lifetime .237 hitter who strikes out on lousy pitches in clutch situations on a sickeningly consistent basis. How many games have I watched where he's come to the plate, runners on, runners in scoring position, less than two outs, two outs, doesn't matter. If it's anywhere near a clutch situation, please watch Brandon take his pathetic cut at a pitch a foot or more outside and low. I mean, bully for loyalty, Mr. Illitch, Mr. Dombrowski, Mr. Leyland, but really? He leaves you so wanting as an offensive presence, and I'm tired of hearing about his defense. Is he Brooks Robinson? No, no he's not. But I'm saddled with his ass for another season. Two more seasons actually, and why do I fear the picking up of his 2013 option?
And then there's Guillen, old, brittle, and perpetually without an actual position. Let's put him at second! Let's put him in the outfield! Let's watch him hit a few exciting, sometimes timely, first pitch homeruns and then count the trips to the disabled list.
I want to see Boesch, Jackson, and Casper Wells in the outfield. I want Strieby and, if I must, Raburn, behind them. I want Alex Avila batting ahead of Inge. I would force Cabrera to third, so Victor Martinez could play first regularly. Move Inge to second base (he's such a gamer!) but I'd prefer one of the young guys, Sizemore, Worth, there instead.
Oh yeah, shoot Zumaya, too. Never going to have another 2006. Tired of hearing about it.
I hope Verlander stays on his game, I hope Porcello rebounds, I hope Scherzer is solid and a winner, not just an innings eater. I hope, I hope, I hope. It's spring training.
Another spring hope is that the Yankees utterly collapse. And I don't even hate the Yankees. It's just that living in New York, the papers are so much more fun when the Yankees are spitting the bit.
I also hope Don Mattingly (I know, more Yankee hate. Sorry.) fails as manager. I have this problem with the Mattingly, Willie Randolph types who sit next to a Joe Torre for years, can't or won't manage in the minors, and then feel entitled to a managership. Managing is more than knowing how to sit or stand in the dugout looking stoic and concerned.
I don't see any runaway winners this year. The Phillies have the horses to start, but are they as good a team as Atlanta? By the same token, San Francisco, my lifelong second favorite team, won't repeat. Great starting pitching may win them the West, but their brutally punchless offense won't get to ride those coattails for a second year in a row. The N.L. Central? God, who cares? Cincinnati, by default, I suppose. Personally, I'm just going to enjoy the Cardinals and Tony LaRussa falling apart as Albert Pujols lame ducks his way to the MVP.
Which reminds me: Cubs fans, enjoy the increased beer prices at Wrigley once you sign Albert to that ten year, 350 million dollar contract.
Actually, I keep suggesting that the Cardinals' season will go so wrong, and with no hope in sight to sign Pujols, that they will trade him to the Yankees mid-season. You don't think it could happen? Why, cause Texeira is long term tied to first base? Let me tell you, Joba Chamberlain, Andrew Brackman and Curtis Granderson, welcome to St Louie. And then the Yankees negotiate their latest absurd, nauseatingly overpaid contract. Posada is gone after 2011, so D.H. is all Albert's next year and forever. It's a thought.
What else can the Yankees do? They won't be able to control themselves.
But they still won't make the playoffs this year. Boston gets the east, Tampa fights hard, Baltimore overachieves, but the Bosox still prevail. And only a Central team, Detroit, Minnesota, or Chicago (if Ozzie doesn't just once and for all lose his mind), playing solid and with momentum, will stop them.
I suppose the Angels come back a little from last year, but I don't have much faith in the AL West. I don't believe in the Rangers or Athletics organizations enough to believe in their teams. And Seattle? Aren't we all just waiting for Felix Hernandez to be traded or have a career threatening injury?
But I don't make predictions . I like to watch the season unfold and form my opinions from the field.
The only predictions I like to make in spring training are the fun ones, like the Yankees will miss the playoffs, cause that riles my Yankee-loving friends and tickles me.
Oh yeah, baby, baseball. It's the game for me. I've pulled out my thirty year old Mizuno glove, and traded my winter touk for my cap with the olde english D. I'll be hitting CitiField with my Mets friends and causing trouble in the Bronx with my Yankees friends. I'll be the one at the party who asks if we can get the game turned on. I'll be the one suggesting a bar solely for its multiple televisions and selection of games. I'll be the one poring over the boxscores and checking the standings after one game.
It's late, this is my first posting ever, and so everything else will have to wait til another day. I'll leave you with two last spring training hopes. One, that Barry Bonds' trial just dies away and he continues his post baseball exile, because the years and years it has taken to get him in a courtroom has rendered the whole rhyme and reason of the thing moot. He took steroids. We all know this, even if we all don't want to admit it, even to ourselves. But at this point, well, enough Barry Bonds. He's gone, let him stay that way.
On the other hand, my second and final spring training hope is that Roger Clemens does go to jail. Just cause he turned out to be a big, dumb hick with a big, dumb mouth. Does anyone remember at his Capitol Hill hearing how he sought to justify his training methods, questionable or otherwise, by elevating pitching for the U.S. in the Baseball Classic to some call to action by his country? When no one asks you to testify under oath, and you demand to testify under oath, and then proceed to lie under oath, well, give the Rocket what he deserves: a huge lesson in humility and honesty.
Okay, next time maybe we deal with contraction, or my long germinating plan for an entirely separate major league for small market teams. Or maybe I just explain why Warren Zevon was so great.
Art and Flowers, friends, Art and Flowers......e.c.
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